Let's Get Things Rolling

I don't know why I decided to start a blog, I already have kept a journal of my thoughts and experiences of the last 4 years, and to do this seems a little over the top. But I guess my reasoning is to have this act as a window into the life and thoughts of me (benjamin) for those of you who either are a glutton for punishment, or just need a a good laugh to go on for the day. In any case, I hope this blog acts as a way to allow you to join in on the path of life that i am endeavoring to take, and maybe give you some new or interesting perspective along the way. So let's get things rolling.

When you look up the definition for someone who is stubborn, fun, inconsistent, passionate and searching, you would see a picture of this guy. At twenty-three I find that life only gets more complicated, touchy, and beautiful all at the same time. I am at a crossroads in life, waiting to decide which path of life I will commit to. I have always been the one that will balance out the options, wait, and finally decide at the last minute what I want in life. Committing to something for me, seems to go "all in" with one option with the possibility of missing out on another. As much as I hate the season of waiting that I am at in life, I feel it to be a gift from God. I think he is giving me this time to sort through my desires, passions, and pursuits to finally decide what I want. No writing on the wall to show me which way I should go, just the dreaded question of "What does Ben want to do"? Funny thing is, I have no idea. I know that I love traveling, helping out with youth and young adults in the church, music, videography, cooking and just being a blessing to someone. All these things are great passions, but which of them becomes pursuits in life, rather than just hobbies? And the answer is......... Pray about it. How true, and at times, frustrating that answer can be.

Life always has been a cycle of seasons, both good and bad. Often times I wish I had more control and insight on how to handle the rise or fall of them. Each comes with its specific lesson, each its own teacher, and each its own consequences. One minute I find myself calloused, lost, bitter, resentful and without purpose, the next I am breathing free, optimistic, caring, focused, and on track ( I decided to state the bad first, because I notice people always stating the good and then put down the happy times with sadder times. I figure its better to empower good things.) These seem to be the normal way of things, either one polar opposite or another, no normal or in between. Is it weird that I find pain and disappointment to be my best teacher? Its not like I crave it, and want to be in this constant state of depression. I do however think that it is the one thing that drives me to finally look deep into the heart of myself or the problems that I am facing, and change. It is truly something to understand that silence in these situations may be unpleasant and painful, but often times it is a time that God can finally speak clearly and reveal my heart. The more I see who I am, the more i realize and am grateful for grace and mercy.

To add to this introspective view of myself, my thoughts turn to how thankful I am for the friends and family that have been there with me along this journey. So many people shuffle seamlessly in and out of my life, and I need to take a moment and  to be thankful for the ones that have stuck by my side through everything. To my mentors/parents: I can never say how truly thankful I am to have your wisdom, guidance and love to guide me. You know everything from my weaknesses to the things inside my heart that I can't see. I hope one day to take the amazing qualities and heart that you have shown to me. To my friends: I couldn't ask for any better group of people to journey life with. Caleb W.: for your soft heart, passion, and desire for God. Drew: for your wisdom and quiet strength. The times where we could just be real and vulnerable with each other about what was going on, and being able to help each other through it all. Stephen: Your heart for giving of yourself no matter the cost. For being an older brother to take me under your wing when I was "difficult". The times when we were able to just live life and do some crazy things. Curt: for seeing the potential in me, the late night guitar jam sessions. For your desire to treat everyone as you would want to be treated, being a great friend and roommate, and most importantly for K.O.L. Joseph and Ben S.: my armor bearers, I.S.I's and brothers. For encouraging me, challenging me, and being the example of Godly men that this world needs. My sisters: For the light of Christ that each of you are. I am so humbled to have the greatest sisters ever! You put up with my crazy antics, over protectiveness, and newest pursuits. I love you both. My Parents: The greatest hero's, mentors, and encouragers. and coaches that God could have given me. I will never be able to express how truly thankful I am that God blessed me with such amazing and God seeking parents. And there are countless others that deserve gratitude and recognition, so thank you to you all as well. These people have been the pillars in my life, and I am undone and humbled with gratitude for the blessing they have been.

Wow, if you stuck it out I am impressed. I will try and be more specific in the future with my blogging, but felt I needed to get a bunch of things out and on the table for me to start off. Thanks for your time, and be blessed.

-Benjamin